In working with couples over the last twenty years, it seems like the ingredients we  wish to include in our recipe for a long-term relationship are: Chemistry, Compatibility and Commitment.

Each of us expresses these ingredients to varying degrees and we give them different importance and priority.  However, to be truly happy over the long haul, we need to create some kind of balance.

CHEMISTRY is that intangible, unspoken, energetic that results in those  incredible feelings of romance, longing, lust and sexual excitement.   Read the rest

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Couples meet, they fall in love, they make a commitment, move in together or get married (if allowed) and then what? Over half break up! Obviously, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH to sustain a relationship.

There was a study by researchers from the Australian National University entitled “What’s Love Got to Do With It” that tracked close to 2,500 couple from 2001 to 2007. The purpose was to figure out qualities or factors that could identify who stayed together versus who divorced or separated.

Some of the major factors identified were:

1. Husbands who are nine or more years older than their wives were twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turned 25.
2. Twenty percent of couples who have kids before marriage, either from a previous relationship or from their current relationship, separated compared to nine percent of couples without children born before marriage. Read the rest

According to statistics, more than 40 million Americans are in sexless marriages! This doesn’t include all of the non-married relationships or the rest of the world. More than half the couples I counsel each week have not had sex with their partner in over a year.

A large number of these couples are over forty years of age and use the changes to their physiology as their excuse to avoid sexual intimacy. For others, sex ended with the birth of their children or because of repetition and boredom. Let me give you some of the top “reasons” that couples have settled for a sexless relationship:

1. Not liking to talk about sex: While many couples are uncomfortable talking about sex, in my experience, they are generally not comfortable talking about ANYTHING with each other and have huge communication issues. Read the rest

Consumer Reports did a sex survey of 1000 adults and over 80% of the respondents said that they sometimes avoided having sex with their partners.  Yes, we all have legitimate reasons from time to time for avoiding this physical intimacy, yet when we get into the HABIT of avoiding sex on a regular basis, it is indicative of BIG PROBLEMS!

The top six reasons given for not having sex are:

1. TOO TIRED OR NEED SLEEP

2. NOT FEELING WELL OR HEALTH PROBLEMS Read the rest

Are you interested in having more intimacy in your life?  It’s certainly one of the issues that many of my couples and singles want to work on when they see me for private counseling sessions.  The first thing I like to do is to define our terms.  When some people talk about intimacy, they sometimes mean emotional intimacy.  Some people mean sexual intimacy when they raise the issue.  And some refer to both the emotional and physical aspects of intimacy.

Let’s being with the emotional aspects of intimacy.  A long time ago, I heard a clever definition of intimacy by re-languaging it as Into-Me-I See.  This defines intimacy first as an inner process of self-discovery and of self-knowledge. Read the rest

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

As a couples counselor for the past twenty years, I can safely say that the “Big Three” issues that couples see me about are: Money, Sex and Communication.

It’s doubtful that any of you are surprised about this. PayPal conducted their “Can’t Buy Me Love” international survey about the role of money in relationships and the results are pretty interesting. Read the rest

I’m excited to announce that I just submitted a video audition to Oprah’s talk show contest (this is different than the recent audition I did for Oprah’s new television network, OWN.  This is a contest and the top five vote-getters will be on a reality show to GET a talk show on Oprah’s network!  So please, click on the link or the video below and vote for me!  You can vote as many times as you’d like, so vote early, vote often through July 3.

My audition link is:

http://myown.oprah.com/audition/index.html?request=video_details&response_id=9226&promo_id=1

Or you can just click on the video below:

Thanks so much,

Dr. Adam Sheck