Since sex is such a serious topic for many of the couples I counsel, I decided to create a short video to help you all lighten up!  My work with couples and singles with intimacy issues is deadly serious and unfortunately, it creates a deadness in their relationships.  Laughter is one of the essential remedies.

So watch this video, it lasts less than two minutes (which is a problem in the sex life of some of my couples as well, but I CAN help them!) and enjoy yourselves!  Don’t worry, the pictures are all PG!  And once again, I’ve picked the BEST music!  Enjoy.

And PLEASE, share this with your friends!

Thanks so much,

Dr. Adam Sheck

During my August “Ask Adam” Teleseminar, one of the questions I was asked was “How can I get my guy to open up about his feelings?” It’s a frustrating question that I am asked many times in my psychotherapy practice by singles and in couples counseling.

Let me share a few tips that might help make this happen.  For anyone (and especially a man) to open up about their emotions, there definitely needs to be trust and safety in the relationship.  This may take time and “baby step” experiences of opening up to develop.  And, if there is any history of betrayal from the past, including early childhood issues, this may be even more challenging .

That being said, the likelihood this actually happening can be improved by taking the following steps:

1. Don’t push for feelings!   Read the rest

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This might be a controversial perspective and I’m going to share it anyway.  One of the big “Relationship Killers” is the enmeshed relationship where we don’t know where one partner ends and the other begins.  Where we really believe that we know the other so well that there are no longer any original thoughts and we can complete each other’s sentences.

While for some this is an ideal, this is the dream relationship, psychologically, it’s not very healthy.  And, it’s not very interesting!  Where are the surprises?  Where is the spontaneity?  We might get along well, but where has the PASSION gone?

So, the antidote for this type of relationship is to balance it out with some CONSCIOUS SELFISHNESS! Read the rest

I am so happy to have created this short, two minute video for you!  It details a really simple recipe for having a successful relationship.

Just click on the screen below to watch it right now!  And turn up the volume, the music is GREAT!

It applies whether the relationship is Read the rest

Couples come in all shapes and sizes.  Yet there seem to be three basic interactional styles. There are three basic ways that couples manage conflict.  Let’s find out which one you might be!

In no particular order, the three styles of managing conflict are:

1. Volatile: This is the high conflict, in-your-face, argumentative couple that fight all the time.  They have higher energy, higher volume and higher passion in their expression.

2. Avoider: This couple will minimize conflict as much as possible.  They will interact, just not about any subject that could prove to be contentious.  They don’t believe in being openly angry.

Read the rest

In working with couples over the last twenty years, it seems like the ingredients we  wish to include in our recipe for a long-term relationship are: Chemistry, Compatibility and Commitment.

Each of us expresses these ingredients to varying degrees and we give them different importance and priority.  However, to be truly happy over the long haul, we need to create some kind of balance.

CHEMISTRY is that intangible, unspoken, energetic that results in those  incredible feelings of romance, longing, lust and sexual excitement.   Read the rest

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Couples meet, they fall in love, they make a commitment, move in together or get married (if allowed) and then what? Over half break up! Obviously, LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH to sustain a relationship.

There was a study by researchers from the Australian National University entitled “What’s Love Got to Do With It” that tracked close to 2,500 couple from 2001 to 2007. The purpose was to figure out qualities or factors that could identify who stayed together versus who divorced or separated.

Some of the major factors identified were:

1. Husbands who are nine or more years older than their wives were twice as likely to get divorced, as are husbands who get married before they turned 25.
2. Twenty percent of couples who have kids before marriage, either from a previous relationship or from their current relationship, separated compared to nine percent of couples without children born before marriage. Read the rest

According to statistics, more than 40 million Americans are in sexless marriages! This doesn’t include all of the non-married relationships or the rest of the world. More than half the couples I counsel each week have not had sex with their partner in over a year.

A large number of these couples are over forty years of age and use the changes to their physiology as their excuse to avoid sexual intimacy. For others, sex ended with the birth of their children or because of repetition and boredom. Let me give you some of the top “reasons” that couples have settled for a sexless relationship:

1. Not liking to talk about sex: While many couples are uncomfortable talking about sex, in my experience, they are generally not comfortable talking about ANYTHING with each other and have huge communication issues. Read the rest