It continues to surprise me that couples pay me large sums of money to tell them to do things that seem pretty obvious. “Go to a movie together!” “Go to a concert!” “Check into the ‘no tell motel’ and have a quickie with your spouse!” The bottom line is simple: “Have fun!”
If you’d like some clinical research data, John Gottman, Ph.D., world renowned researcher on marital stability at the University of Washington, Seattle, came to the conclusion that happy, stable couples have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. In other words, for every negative remark or comment, there are five positive ones. This develops what Gottman calls a “reservoir of positive feelings.” We “bank” these positive feelings and they help counteract the negativity which is in all relationships to some degree.
So, you might want to become aware of the ratio of positive and negative interactions in your partnership AND in your life. I’m not even saying you need to reach the 5:1 ratio anytime soon, if you’re not there yet. All I’m saying is, you might want to get started. How? It’s quite simple. Take a walk on the beach with your partner. Kiss them passionately, “Just Because!” Rent a funny DVD. In other words, “Have fun!”
Dr. Adam Sheck