Have Fun In Your Relationship!

By on Mar 29, 2009 in Communication

It continues to surprise me that couples pay me large sums of money to tell them to do things that seem pretty obvious. “Go to a movie together!” “Go to a concert!” “Check into the ‘no tell motel’ and have a quickie with your spouse!” The bottom line is simple: “Have fun!”

If you’d like some clinical research data, John Gottman, Ph.D., world renowned researcher on marital stability at the University of Washington, Seattle, came to the conclusion that happy, stable couples have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. In other words, for every negative remark or comment, there are five positive ones. This develops what Gottman calls a “reservoir of positive feelings.” We “bank” these positive feelings and they help counteract the negativity which is in all relationships to some degree.

So, you might want to become aware of the ratio of positive and negative interactions in your partnership AND in your life. I’m not even saying you need to reach the 5:1 ratio anytime soon, if you’re not there yet. All I’m saying is, you might want to get started. How? It’s quite simple. Take a walk on the beach with your partner. Kiss them passionately, “Just Because!”  Rent a funny DVD.  In other words, “Have fun!”

Dr. Adam Sheck

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4 Comment(s)

  1. So simple, but so powerful. It’s interesting how the solution is often just a reminder of what worked in the beginning: focus on the positive and do what’s fun!

    Here is a link to Dr.Gottman’s video: http://socialmedialovestory.com/225/the-magic-relationship-ratio-dr-john-gottman/

    Like you said, it’s a powerful reminder of how to keep a relationship going. (and it’s only 80 seconds long! LOL)

    @JosephRanseth | Jul 20, 2010 | Reply

  2. Joseph,
    Thanks so much for the video link. Dr. Gottman has done a tremendous amount of research that has benefited the couples counseling community.
    Thanks again,
    Adam

    drsheck | Jul 20, 2010 | Reply

  3. What a great post! I love the idea of the 5:1 ratio!

    Joseph | Jul 22, 2010 | Reply

  4. Joseph,
    I think that EVERY relationship has “stuff” to work on! In the good ones, we know that and are WILLING to work on it. Keep practicing the 5:1 ratio and it will be a big step towards a happy one.
    Take care,
    Adam

    drsheck | Jul 22, 2010 | Reply

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