Is Love Just Chemistry?
By drsheck on Jun 23, 2009 in Romance, Sexuality
What is love? This is a question that’s been asked for as long as we’ve had language, perhaps longer. During the last decade or two, there has been a great deal written about the biochemistry of love, romance and mating. We know a great deal now about the different hormones and neurotransmitters involved and scientists have created theories that explain their role in “love.”
We know that dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with rewards is released when we think about those we love. Of course, dopamine is also strong in drug addicts. Love? Addiction? Connection? Sound familiar? Hmmm.
And then, there is our friend, oxytocin, which is the hormone connected to bonding and attachment. It stimulates contractions during labor and the ejection of mother’s milk. It’s is secreted most strongly during orgasm in both men and women. FYI, the presence of testosterone counteracts the effect of oxytocin. Make any sense, ladies?
However, can we simplify love into an equation? And even if we could, do we really want to? Yes, I have no doubt that if I see a beautiful young woman walking down the street, I might very well feel a hormonal surge and yes that is part of the design to keep the species going. Absolutely!
And, I’d also like to believe that we’re more than the roughly $4.50 of chemicals our bodies are comprised of. I need to believe that our deepest connections with others is more soulful than mere chemistry. That’s how I prefer to live my life and it’s how I prefer to work with my couples and singles in improving their lives. I was an ‘A’ student in chemistry, but I was also an ‘A’ student in psychology.
What you do believe? I’d really love to hear your opinions and comments on this subject.
Thanks so much,
Poly-Friendly Professionals 
I think chemistry was designed to get people together in order to keep people on the earth. Chemistry is combustible…like a lot of relationships based only on chemistry. Chemistry may be the impetus that gets 2 people together but the soul connection, the deeper connection can sometimes be obliterated by chemistry! Ideally, chemistry and soul connection together in one person is great. But I think it's rare to have both. That's why there are so many affairs. Society teaches us that chemistry is more important because it feels so good. But it's so temporal. BUT I've also seen people
Victoria Sampson | Jun 23, 2009 | Reply
(continued) I've also seen people who have been married for more than 50 years who look at each other like lusty teenagers. Look at "arranged marriages" or Fiddler on the Roof"! People can learn to love each other. I've often posited that if any 2 people were stranded on an island, they would learn to love each other. Remember that movie where an alien and an astronaut learn to love each other. Enemy MIne I think it's called. And IF we can learn to love, we probably release the chemicals that make re-loving that person over and over possible. They say that the brain is the sexiest part of the body!
Victoria Sampson | Jun 23, 2009 | Reply
If chocolate can make you feel as if you're in love, then yes, there's a large element of chemistry. Speaking of that, pass the Lindt…I'll have a truffle!
Marla Eglowstein | Jun 24, 2009 | Reply
chocolate has phenethylamine ,PEA, another "chemical of love", so there you go! strictly speaking, i think it metabolizes out before it hits the brain, but we don't need to be that accurate for facebook
Adam Sheck | Jun 25, 2009 | Reply
Had friends over for dinner tonight and we were talking about this. It is a known fact that chemistry has to do with smell – if "it" smells right you got chemistry. Chemistry can become love… But if it is about smell, aren't we just a bit too much like animals with "something extra"?? But your 1st question was "what is love?" Love between who – I ask. there are many different kinds & levels of love. in other languages there are more possibilities to be specific about love than ours. Love between couples, lovers, family, mother/father – children, neighbours, etc. Love is also the language of soul, mind. Forget the hormones & stuff going on in the brain… don't we all meet people of past lives again and again?? and sometimes love them all over again? I sometimes wonder…
Karola Grünenbaum | Jun 26, 2009 | Reply
My comment on love is condensed in my post ‘Love’ on my blog http://evolutionary-relations.blogspot.com
Ram Bansal | Jun 30, 2009 | Reply
you say the presence of Testosterone “counteracts” the effects of Oxytocin? Isn’t it the other way around? I studied that Men produce more Oxytocin levels than women and women are more susceptible to it’s effects than men are. Can you please clarify? Thank you.
Lauren Kattuah | Apr 25, 2010 | Reply
Correction. I mispoke. Oxytocin is the hormone released by women before onsets of menopause. A man’s DNA that is a little like hers and a little not like hers is the bio-chemical trigger that causes the women to release the Oxytocin, especially in the presence of that male’s sperm. The woman, however, can detect if the man is a biological match via the Jacobson’s Organ in the nasal membrane when men secrete the pheromones. A woman can detect within 3 minutes, whether consciously or subconsciously of the bio-chemical match.
Lauren Kattuah | Jul 6, 2010 | Reply
Lauren,
Thanks for the update. It’s pretty amazing how BIOLOGICAL we really are.
Take care,
Adam
drsheck | Jul 6, 2010 | Reply