Sexless Relationship? Don’t Be A Statistic!
By drsheck on Jul 11, 2010 in Relationship, Sexuality
According to statistics, more than 40 million Americans are in sexless marriages! This doesn’t include all of the non-married relationships or the rest of the world. More than half the couples I counsel each week have not had sex with their partner in over a year.
A large number of these couples are over forty years of age and use the changes to their physiology as their excuse to avoid sexual intimacy. For others, sex ended with the birth of their children or because of repetition and boredom. Let me give you some of the top “reasons” that couples have settled for a sexless relationship:
1. Not liking to talk about sex: While many couples are uncomfortable talking about sex, in my experience, they are generally not comfortable talking about ANYTHING with each other and have huge communication issues.
2. Not understanding the mechanics of sexuality and lust: There are specific stages that sexual activity generally moves through (desire, arousal, plateau, orgasm, refractory) and many couples don’t understand how to utilize this knowledge for the deepest and most satisfying connection.
3: Use of antidepressants: The majority of antidepressants have a sexual side-effect profile that impacts many men and women.
4: Lack of sleep: In our under-slept culture, sleep deficiency drains us of energy for sex play as well as impacts our mood and desire for intimacy.
5: Effects of aging: As the “baby boomers” advance in age, issues involving menopause and erectile dysfunction become more prevalent.
6: Viewing sexual problems as one partner’s and not as an issue for the couple: Issues of shame and guilt prevent us from acknowledging, COMMUNICATING, and solving our sexual issues as a TEAM!
I am happy to announce that I have created a four week teleseries, “Bring Back The Passion!” It will be offered in an interactive, teleseminar/telephone format so that it will be available to you regardless of where you live. And it is extremely affordable, compared to the fees for months of couples counseling. It won’t be just me lecturing, you will be interacting with me directly, which is why I’ll be limiting the registration.
To give you a taste of what it will be about, I have scheduled a free Teleseminar Preview Call that you can register for below:
Preview Call Registration
During the call I will give you Concrete Tools that you can use NOW to bring back the passion to your relationship. I will also be answering your questions and I’ll tell you more about the ”Bring Back The Passion” Teleseries.
So if you find yourself coming up with excuses for avoiding sex or if you find that the passion in your relationship isn’t quite what it was, register for this free Preview Call. I promise you it will be one of the best ways you can spend an hour and you WILL receive tools you can use. Passion is just a click away. Register now.
Preview Call Registration
Thank you so much,
Dr. Adam Sheck
And PLEASE, share this with your friends. You can click below to share or click on the Facebook or Twitter icons at the top of the post. Thanks again.
Poly-Friendly Professionals 
This is an astounding statistic, Adam. I guess you hear it all in your profession. I can help people with the lack of sleep issue, if you need a source of information for that let me know. Thanks for sharing this.
Nicole Rushin | Jul 13, 2010 | Reply
Nicole,
Yes, it’s pretty shocking, which is why I’m so motivated to help couples in this and other areas. I would love the sleep resource.
Thanks,
Adam
drsheck | Jul 13, 2010 | Reply
Adam,
Reading these stats are shocking! With so many people having such discontent in a relationship that has the potential to bring the greatest joy, I can see why people wouldn’t want to hang around and wait! This is another reminder of how grateful I am to have the most wonderful husband in the world!
~Linda
Linda G. Cox | Jul 13, 2010 | Reply
LInda,
Yes, it’s pretty incredible how many people are choosing to stay disconnected sexually (and emotionally). The sad part is that help IS available. That’s a big part of the work I do. Congratulations on having such a great mate!
Adam
drsheck | Jul 13, 2010 | Reply
Hey Adam,
Thanks so much for sharing this with us.
I would say that a lot of people need to hear this but most are not willing to share it like you have. Congratulations on putting together your tele-seminar class. Hope it is a big success!
Make it a great day!
God Bless,
-ed
Edward | Jul 13, 2010 | Reply
Ed,
Thanks so much for your good wishes. There is a big need and I’m hoping to be able to help a few more couples to be a little happier, a little more connected and a little more passionate!
Adam
drsheck | Jul 13, 2010 | Reply
I am grateful Adam that you are tackling this important issue head on. Like many women, I can be guilty of downplaying the importance of sex, and yet I know that it is the glue for intimacy. Literally sex releasing a chemical that helps us bond, and with all the challenges couples and parents face, we need all the good, natural chemical help we can get! Thanks for doing such important work. I continue to be inspired by you, and to refer parents to you.
Jacqueline Green | Jul 13, 2010 | Reply
Jacqueline,
Thanks for you belief in my work and for sending your people my way. I really appreciate your vote of confidence and look forward to working more with you in the future.
Adam
drsheck | Jul 13, 2010 | Reply
Hi Adam,
I never would have imagined that there were that many sexless relationships. I find that so sad as it is one of the many great satisfying things in life – it’s tragic really. I’m glad you are doing your part to open up communication between couples. Keep up the good work!
Debbie Stevens | Jul 13, 2010 | Reply
Debbie,
Thanks so much, the statistics are pretty shocking. Perhaps it explains the state of the world right now. The more satisfied we are in our relationships, the more we can contribute to the world and be more peaceful and generous I believe. I agree with you, communication is a big part of the solution.
Adam
drsheck | Jul 13, 2010 | Reply
I’m so happy not to be a statistic, but I can tell you I’ve found sleep to be incredibly important. OK, so the communication thing’s there too…
It’s actually surprising how in a society that shows boobs with pretty much everything (“Would you like boobs with that?”), being honest and open about sex is still a big problem. Many young people confuse sexual behavior with intimacy, but in a long-term relationship, it’s the intimacy that drives the sex, not the other way around.
Important post, Adam.
Family Matters | Jul 13, 2010 | Reply
Ronit,
Good for you not being a “statistic” perhaps you can share some of your secrets? I totally agree, long-term, intimacy is what can drive and sustain sex.
Thanks for sharing,
Adam
drsheck | Jul 13, 2010 | Reply
Adam,
Once again you approach a subject with straight forward talk. Your approach will empower any who wish to change their circumstances with your work.
Glad you are stepping out there to assist people in discovering that their sexual life does NOT end at a certain age or because of other issues. Val
Val Wilcox | Jul 15, 2010 | Reply
Val,
Thanks for your kind words. I’m doing my best to spread the word and help people have more passion in their lives: sexual AND emotional. Age is rarely the true barrier.
Adam
drsheck | Jul 15, 2010 | Reply
Dr. Adam,
Thank you so much for addressing such an important issue. The saddest part is how lonely both people must feel. Funny how you can get so disconnected from someone you know so well and for so long.
This will be a wonderful service for some very lucky couples!
Mentor Mama
Nancy Burke Barr | Jul 15, 2010 | Reply
MM,
It IS a very sad occurrence when a couple get so disconnected from each other. However, help IS available for those who know that it exists and who are willing to reach out for it. Thanks for spreading the word!
Adam
drsheck | Jul 16, 2010 | Reply
Adam, this was very interesting and I hope that I do not fall into that category ever.
Lori
Lori Robertson | Jul 22, 2010 | Reply
Lori,
So glad you found the information useful. I believe that awareness of the problem is half the solution. The rest is about having tools, which is what I provide the couples (and singles) that I work with.
Thanks for sharing,
Adam
drsheck | Jul 22, 2010 | Reply
I couldn’t even fathom a sexless marriage. I would think the fun part is in keeping the fire alive.
Dewane Mutunga | Aug 3, 2010 | Reply
Dewane,
It’s definitely an important part of a relationship and needs to be attended to. Often, it’s a symptom of even deeper problems.
Adam
drsheck | Aug 6, 2010 | Reply
My wife and I have been married 40 plus years and have been sexless for about 27, 28 years or so. Were in our 60 now and sex is no longer an issue with me. My wife on the other hand feels shes always at the bottom of my list. And its true she is intimatly at the bottom of my list. I have E/D and nothing has worked to fix it. So why bother with sex and intimacy anyway its so boring, unexciting and not worth the effort.
Paul | Sep 16, 2011 | Reply
I guess were a statistic! Weve been married 45 years last week and thats suppose to be a great accomplishment. But all those 45 years except our wedding night have been sexless, no intimacy no nothing, not sleeping toghter. I’ve asked him if he loves me and all he says is I like you but love he dosen’t think so. I’ve asked why we got married and all he says I ask that same question every morning. He says I’am a bad dream in real life. Hes moved himself down stairs and out in his shop. I think hes very lonely, has no TV, computer or phone. Dosen’t go any where, he just wants to be left alone. I’ve been depressed,angry, feel ugly and now that I’m older I’ve accepted that my life will never change. Just an old woman that has had a horrible life.
Amy | Jan 13, 2012 | Reply
Chalk up another statistic here. Married 45 years and only had sex once on our wedding night. My new husband refused to go on our honeymoon instead He went right back to work on the midnight shift. The very next day he moved out of our bedroom and set up house keeping in our basement. I was 19 when first married and now alone, unloved, no sex, no intimacy. He did say he got nothing out of our sexual experience. We still live in the same house, more like apartment dewellers. We never talk, we might wave but thats it.
Amy | Feb 25, 2012 | Reply