Is Entrepreneur Divorce Rate High?
By drsheck on Dec 7, 2010 in Relationship
Is the entrepreneur divorce rate high compared to the rest of the population?
To tell you the truth, I really don’t know AND I don’t believe that divorce statistics are compiled according to profession. However, since Inc. Magazine recently published an article on Why So Many Entrepreneurs Get Divorced I felt that this was an issue I should examine.
It is especially germane to the online population that reads my articles, as a much higher percent of my readers are entrepreneurs and I network with many of them. Before I give you my own thoughts about entrepreneur divorce, let me summarize the Inc. article.
Basically, it states that the entrepreneur personality is one of “me” and what “I” can create, which is different than the “us” of marriage and co-creation of a partnership. The entrepreneur put most if not all of their energy into their “baby”, their business and there is little left for the spouse or partner. In addition, the nature of the business is higher risk and the emotional and economic pressures of this put greater stress on the relationship.
From my perspective of knowing personally and working professionally with a large number of entrepreneurs, I would agree with the assessment of the Inc. article. Now let me add my own two cents and suggestions for keeping your own entrepreneur divorce rate low and your relationship satisfaction high.
I’ve worked with many successful entrepreneurs and business people over my twenty years as a psychotherapist and have helped many of them with their issues. First of all, the entrepreneur generally is a person who is highly motivated, highly creative, highly focused able to delay gratification and VERY willing to risk for what they believe in. Some are addicted to the adrenaline rush of creation, of business deals, of living on the edge. They live to go into “battle” for their business.
While these can be wonderful qualities, they definitely can put a strain on a relationship. Those of you who have read my previous posts on the concept of the “Imago” know that we are often drawn to someone who has complementary qualities from ourselves. So generally, the partner/spouse of the entrepreneur often is more interested in security than risk, and wants serenity more than excitement/drama and this is quite challenging for the two of them.
As the entrepreneur focuses everything on their latest project, their latest product launch, they are working literally ’round the clock and often lose focus of their loving partner and family. If they are just starting out, often they are living from savings, from loans and from their spouse’s income. Cash flow is tight or nonexistent. Free time is a luxury that isn’t allowed. The financial strain can be enormous.
The entrepreneur partner will often say, “We just need to get through this launch and then we can go on a date, go on a vacation, fill-in-the blank.” ”Just a little longer, be patient, our ship will come in.”
The emotional strain of accumulating massive debt and potentially risking the house, the children’s college fund, etc. can be huge. And there is sometimes a physical health risk as well, as the focus is on the business and not on self-care.
Sometimes, there is so much time and energy spent on the business, that the entrepreneur can only bond with business partners and co-workers. They feel like only those battling with them “shoulder-to-shoulder” can relate. This is when affairs with co-workers can take place in the heat of the moment, which puts the relationship AND the business at risk.
And then there is the very real issue of societal role reversal, where the woman is the entrepreneur and the male partner is feeling ignored. Whether we like to admit it or not, very few men have the ego strength to tolerate a partner who is more focused on business then on them. And very few men are able to cope with a partner who is more successful and earns more money than they do. Unfortunate, but true and definitely beyond the scope of this article.
So how do I work I use the metaphor of the relationship as a garden with these couples. We need to care for the garden. We need to water it. We need to fertilize it. We need to weed it.
And if the only focus for months/years is one patch of garden, the business garden, then the rest of the garden will be overgrown, diseased and may ultimately die. Sometimes couples get this metaphor and make some changes. Sometimes they are unable or unwilling to do so.
Unfortunately, as a couples counselor, I can only “lead the horse to water” the drinking is their choice. My recommendation to all of my readers (and we are ALL entrepreneurs on some level) is to WEED YOUR GARDEN! Don’t take your relationship for granted, don’t assume you have all the time in the world to repair what’s being done or what isn’t being done.
Let’s do what we can to keep entrepreneur divorce rate down! Let’s prove that we can be successful in business AND in relationship.
Start now!
Dr. Adam Sheck
If you’d like to know more about keeping your relationship alive and vital and keep entrepreneur divorce rate low, download my Free Special Report, “20 Rituals For Romance!” at http://freepassiontips.com
Poly-Friendly Professionals 
Charles,
Glad the post made sense about the challenges of balancing relationship and entrepreneurship.
Take care,
Adam
drsheck | Dec 1, 2010 | Reply
As an Entrepreneur this is something that I had thought might become a concern. Considering Trump seems to be in a chronic cycle of marriage/divorce it gives proof to Inc.’s article.
Stephanie Deneke | Dec 8, 2010 | Reply
Stephanie,
It is definitely a challenge for most of us to balance business and personal life.
Thanks for sharing,
Adam
drsheck | Dec 8, 2010 | Reply
“very few men have the ego strength to tolerate a partner who is more focused on business then on them”
Boy isn’t that the truth!! This is so my husband it is not even funny, although I would never say that to him! How I deal with this is that I basically try to do minimal work when he is at home. I work when he is at work so that way we can have our time together to spend on each other and then have our “work” lives separate. Very important so that we end up growing together and not apart.
Thanks for the post
Cori Hughes | Dec 9, 2010 | Reply
Cori,
Very cool that you’ve figured out the best way to balance work and your marriage. It’s not easy, yet you’ve got your priorities in line, good for you!
Take care,
Adam
drsheck | Dec 9, 2010 | Reply
Interesting topic Adam,
Things can get in the way of any relationship, whatever the circumstances. A high powered exec may also ignore his/her family chasing down the all-mighty buck. And there are many couples who work together on their businesses or truly support each other’s efforts.
So saying that, I think it’s really a case of the relationship a couple has. Taking care of your personal relationship should factor into every aspect of your life. That will bring about the harmony needed to achieve life success. I like your analogy of weeding the gardens. Very to the point,
Val
Val Wilcox | Dec 9, 2010 | Reply
Val,
It really IS a function of priorities and timing. When we’re in that “establishing ourselves in the world” stage of life, it is challenging for many to focus equally on relationship. Glad the analogy made sense to you.
Take care,
Adam
drsheck | Dec 9, 2010 | Reply
Isn’t it wonderful how we marry people who balance us. It is so important to water the garden. And when either partner’s attention is totally absorbed, the marriage suffers.
From my point of view, after the babies were born, my focus was the baby to the neglect of my marriage. Don’t forget, prior to the baby, your partner was first.
Even though you both would agree the baby should come first, don’t forget to make your partner feel special.
Debbie Lattuga | Dec 9, 2010 | Reply
Debbie,
It’s not easy keeping the balance, yet while we obviously must focus on our kids as well, over the course of time, the relationship must be nourished or the consequences aren’t pretty.
Wish you the best,
Adam
drsheck | Dec 9, 2010 | Reply
Adam,
Your posts just keep getting better. This is truly a hot topic. Divorce rates are high for entrepeneurs, but divorce rates are also high for everyone else. Spouses who choose a creative, non-traditional, entrepeneur type partner and then struggle with the inherent insecurity, are often denying the part of their own self that craves free and creative expression. If they truly wanted a 9-5, traditional partner, then that’s what they would have chosen. They often want to have their cake and eat it too. They want a partner who is forward thinking, exciting, adventurous – and then they want to reign that person in, often stifling the person’s creative advantages.
In my experience working with couples and connecting with many entrepeneurs online, I believe the issue has more to do with the level of maturity, self-reflection, self-awareness, and relationship commitment than with the type of work. The comments I have received on my blog posts about relationships reveal to me that many entrepeneurs have their head and their heart in the right place. If they have love and appreciation for their partner and if their partner is aligned with them in their business pursuits, the relationship can thrive.
Marriage is teamwork. That’s why MLM successes often occur with couples who are building their business as a team. Even if both partners are not directly involved in the entrepeneur’s business, there needs to be a deep level of communication, trust, respect and love (not just feeling it but often expressing it).
Warmly,
Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone | Dec 9, 2010 | Reply
Erica,
You make some great points about the importance of maturity in creating success professionally AND in a relationship. I have worked with entrepreneurs who are very “young” emotionally and while they can use that to their advantage in creating their business, they are sometimes not mature enough to SUSTAIN their business OR their relationship. On the flip side, with true maturity AND partnership, there is no stopping them. I believe the best (for business and personal) is when you can be a TEAM together as you say.
Thanks for shedding more light on this topic,
Adam
drsheck | Dec 9, 2010 | Reply
Really fabulous post, Adam. I can relate to so much of what you shared here ~ from the qualities of me, the passionate, focused and driven entrepreneur to my husband, the laid back, grounded, zen guy. He has put up with my frenetic pace of managing 2 businesses and school (not to mention motherhood) very well, but I know he craves more time with me. Luckily,
I am fairly anal about living a balanced life, so I carve time out for dates, vacations and daily family time. That being said, my businesses bring in more money than his job, so we both agree that my focus and dedication is essential for our family. I always appreciate your thought provoking posts,and feel like visiting here always benefits my relationships. So thanks Adam!
Beth Allen | Dec 9, 2010 | Reply
Beth,
Thanks so much for your kind words, I’m so glad that my Passion 101 Blog is helpful to you and that it might be of benefit to others you know as well. It sounds like you and your husband are working to create and maintain that balance. Very challenging for all of us in the hectic life of the self-employed business world. Also, I believe from Imago theory that we find a partner who complements us and it sounds like you have your perfect match in your husband, his zen to your drive.
Wish you the best,
Adam
drsheck | Dec 9, 2010 | Reply
I have to agree. It is stressful on a relationship. There is an adrenalin rush that comes from the creative process and other things fall to way side. We are in a society and culture of entrepreneurs and the ‘me’ society. It may seem selfish but to me it is more about the creative process. I think we need to have partners who are on the journey with us. Who get the projects and get the fire that comes from our creative energies. Great post. Something to really think about.
Nicole Rushin | Dec 10, 2010 | Reply
Nicole,
Personally, I agree with you that the best of all worlds is when you and your partner can connect on that creative level, in business and in the other areas as well. That being said, being in business with your spouse/partner also presents it’s own particular challenges. Perhaps I’ll write about that in a future post.
Take care,
Adam
drsheck | Dec 10, 2010 | Reply
Thanks for sharing this article post. I been married for 1 year learning how to balance my new family and social life. It’s much different than being single. I want to make share I don’t fail in this area of my life. Thanks…
Charles Allen | Dec 10, 2010 | Reply
Hi Adam,
This is a great post. Just today I was hearing an internet marketer feeling sad because she almost lost her important relationship due to the time she devoted to her online marketing business. She was saying that she learned her lesson the hard way!
I believe that Time Management is extremely important and that we need to manage our tasks so that we can put them aside and be fully availabale to the people we care about at the needed time.
Thanks again for this important post.
Linda
Linda Thomas | Dec 11, 2010 | Reply
Linda,
Yes, it happens a lot. We forget to prioritize our relationships and then find we might have success, yet no one to share it with. It’s about the balance.
Thanks for sharing,
Adam
drsheck | Dec 12, 2010 | Reply
Dr Adam,
Excellent post ! Your advise will encourage enterpreneurs to spend some quiet moment to analyse if what they are doing can make their relationship grow stronger and to also ask themselves if there is anything they are lacking in the relationship & how they can improve it. In other words. make the relationship gets better and better.
In fact, your article makes me wanting to take some quiet moment on my own to analyse the actual number of quality time I spent in a day and a week with my partner. The family time should not be counted in as the time spent with partners !
I truly do not want each other to take the relationship for granted.
Thanks. I find this article is very helpful for me and will help me to appreciate my entrepreneur partner much more.
Cheers
Pearly
Pearly | Dec 15, 2010 | Reply
Pearly,
I’m so glad that my article inspired you to see how to apply it to improving your relationship!
Take care,
Adam
drsheck | Dec 15, 2010 | Reply
As an entrepreneur I have been concerned about my relationship with my wife and how the work I do impacts our relationship. Luckily she is very caring and understanding and things are still going great!
Divorce in Florida | Jan 26, 2011 | Reply
It IS a tricky issue, to balance romance and business, especially for an entrepreneur. And YOUR business, especially must make it interesting.
Thanks for sharing,
Adam
drsheck | Jan 26, 2011 | Reply