Would You Want To Be Married To You?
By drsheck on Feb 26, 2011 in Relationship, Romance
Would You Want To Be Married To You?
I know that this might appear to be a strange question, yet I’m serious about it! Would you want to be married to you?
In this world, so many people are self-centered and want to know what’s in it for them. Their relationships, whether personal or business, are about what they are going to get, and seldom about what they are going to give.
And yet we all know that life is about balance. Whether you believe in the old notions of karma or the updated “law of attraction” or none of the above, I’m sure you have some sense of “what goes around, comes around” or some variation of this.
It is no different in relationships. And the long-lasting, truly intimate relationships are more focused on what there is to give to your partner. It is about nurturing and sharing and caring and not so much a quid pro quo.
The giving is not about keeping score or about expectations. It is about the pleasure in pleasing your partner and seeing that they are happy. It is about service and a spirit of generosity. You give because it FEELS GOOD to give, pure and simple.
And so I ask you the question, whether you are married or not, whether you are in a relationship or not, whether you even want to be – Would you want to be married to you?
Are you the kind of person that others want to be around? Do people feel better knowing you, being in your presence, having you in their lives? Are you contributing to the well being and growth of others?
If you are that kind of person, CONGRATULATIONS!
If you are not, you might want to rethink your life. Ultimately, I believe that life is about creating or discovering meaning, not about accumulating and taking. And a big part of that meaning (again, only in my opinion) is to be of service, to be of contribution.
When I teach my psychology graduate students about Erik Erikson’s Psychosocial Stages of Development, the final stage is that of “Integrity versus Despair”. As we get older and our life winds down, we look back and ask “Have I lived a full life? Have I lived a meaningful, accomplished life?”
If we can answer ourselves “Yes!” then we can face that final stage of life with integrity and peace. If we answer “No” then we face despair. AND, it’s never too late to create that full life, that integrity.
So back to the question, “Would you want to be married to you?” I ask it for many reasons, but as the “Passion Doctor” on this blog, I can tell you that if you are the kind of person that you would want to be around, then you will most likely be living a fulfilled, meaningful life and be living a PASSIONATE relationship.
If the answer to the question is not to your liking, in addition to couples work, I help many people face existential dilemmas such as this and would love to support you in whatever way that I can.
Take care,
Dr. Adam Sheck
If you’ve enjoyed this article and want to learn more of my thoughts on this topic and about reigniting the passion in your relationship, please download my Free, Special Report, “20 Rituals for Romance!” at www.freepassiontips.com
Poly-Friendly Professionals 
Yes, I’d want to be married to me. And at the same time, I’m working to improve myself. I always try to love better and more completely. I try to be aware of the stories I tell myself.
Great post, Adam. Love your stuff!
Debbie Lattuga | Feb 26, 2011 | Reply
I like what this post is asking though I struggle with healthy answers. I’m recently out of a relationship where I over-gave and it wasn’t a reciprocal situation and its taking me a hard journey back to the self worth of believing in me enough to ask for more. Good stuff as always Adam.
Kimberly
Kimberly Castleberry | Feb 27, 2011 | Reply
Hey Adam,
I was listening to a discussion on this on the radio yesterday..so maybe someone is trying to tell me something lol.
I know that for a lot of us, we try to change the other person to be someone that we ant them to be, without really taking a step back and realizing it is not them that needs to change at all.
Hope your post wakes people up in the best possible way.
Beth
Beth Hewitt | Mar 3, 2011 | Reply
Spot on Adam!
I like this discussion about evaluating who you are and what you stand for. If you would not want to be in a relationship with yourself, you cannot expect anyone else to be either.
Great reflective piece, full of opportunities to create changes in your own life.
Val
Val Wilcox | Mar 4, 2011 | Reply
I would have to honestly say that I would be a bear to be married to, but on the other hand, it would never be dull. This is really an odd thing to think about and it would definitely be challenging to be married to me. Challenging, yes, but would I be up for that every day? Probably not. Good thing I don’t want to be married again. Glad you do existential work, Adam, I suffer from existential angst quite often. LOL! You have given me something to ponder.
Nicole Rushin | Mar 5, 2011 | Reply
Adam,
What a great question. Everyone whould be asked that. Yes, at this point, I would like to be married to someone like me – I am always learning and working to improve myself and my life. I am generally optimistic, somewhat organized and adventurous. However, if the other person just wants to sit around and slack off, with no purpose and no vision, then I would not be a good partner for that.
Your posts are always intriguing and enlightening at the same time.
Warmly,
Erica
Dr. Erica Goodstone | Mar 5, 2011 | Reply
First and foremost, we must love ourselves. If you do not love yourself, then how can you expect others to love you? If you can be happy with yourself, then you will be in a state that everyone else will be happy with you too.
Good read.
Gary Young China Sourcing | Mar 5, 2011 | Reply
Hi Adam,
What a great question!
Yes, I think I’d made a good wife… I am quite traditional in my role in the home. My partner would make a great husband too – he’s got all of the great qualities.
Still don’t want to get married!! I can imagine being a nightmare of a wife for the wrong person though! hehehe!
Always a pleasure to visit you here!
Emma
Emma | Mar 11, 2011 | Reply
Hi Adam! Thanks for the good post! I think people really do look at the other person to point out fault if there is a problem with the relationship, rather than looking to themselves.
Love the 5 Love Languages book, too! Thanks for the good stuff!
T.K. Goforth
http://thischickstips.blogspot.com/2011/02/10-tips-for-happy-marriage.html
TK Goforth | Mar 12, 2011 | Reply