As the “Passion Doctor”, my work is to help couples have more romance, more passion, more sexuality and more intimacy in their live.  And around the time of the new year, the question of relationship resolutions is an important one to reflect upon. I’ve reviewed my previous Passion 101 blog posts and I’ve compiled five relationship resolutions that will definitely benefit you, even if you practice only one of them.

And while I’m real not a huge believer in New Year’s resolutions, I do believe that setting an intention to improve your relationship is critical to having your partnership grow. Whether you set this intention now, when there is a general agreement in the world to do so on January 1 or do it another day (or EVERY day!), just do it!

1. Recommit to your relationship!
One of the biggest passion killers is taking your relationship for granted.  We make a commitment to our partner and then “life” gets in the way and we lose focus and assume our relationship will still be around when we “get to it”. So, today (and each day, actually) is a good day to officially and formally recommit to your relationship. Make it fun, make it serious or make it official, just make it!

2. Create your shared relationship vision.
In addition to recommitting to your relationship, another major relationship resolution is to create a shared relationship vision.  I’ve written extensively on how to do this on another post, Do You Share A Relationship Vision? Click the link, read it, and DO IT!  As couples, we need common goals and a common vision to make it happen.

3. Find a new shared activity/hobby.
Monotony and routine are the enemies of passion!  Find something new to do with your partner.  A dance class, a sailing class, a kissing class (I think I will offer one in 2011), something that will give you regular, ongoing time together each week in something new and novel.  Newness ignites that spark!

4. Share one sexual fantasy this year.
Again, newness is what creates passion.  And if you want to stay passionate in your current relationship (which is always my recommendation), it’s time to share one of your fantasies with your partner!  This may be challenging for you, either to connect to your fantasies or to share them.  Fortunately, I wrote a post on this that you can click and read: How To Share Your Fantasies With Your Partner!

5. Look in each other’s eyes and say, “I love you!”
Many couples counselors will tell you that “communication” is the biggest problem that couples face.  My belief on this is that it is “connection” that is the problem.  So PLEASE, take a moment, RIGHT NOW if you can, hold your partner’s hands, look in their eyes and say, “I love you!”  You will be glad that you did.

I look forward to being of service in the New Year and helping you to create the relationship of your dreams!

Dr. Adam Sheck

Another great way to start off the New Year with more romance, more passion and more intimacy is to download my Free Special Report, “20 Rituals For Romance!” at http://freepassiontips.com

Who controls the “climate control” while you and your partner are driving?  Who’s in charge of the remote control while watching television?  Who decides where you sit while dining at home?  At a restaurant?

I know that these all seem like trivial questions, yet they speak to a big issue in relationships, that of the POWER STRUGGLE!

After a couple has been together for awhile and made it through the “honeymoon” stage of the relationship, they enter the power struggle phase.  This is where the “chemicals of love” have worn down a bit and we begin to experience who we are actually in a relationship with and we begin to butt heads as we notice our differences (For more on this, see my post, “Three Stages of Relationship”).

Let’s return to the original question, “which side of the bed do you sleep on?”  No, I’m not going to analyze what it means if you sleep on the right or the left.  It’s just an interesting metaphor for your relationship.  Like most things to me, it’s more about HOW it happens than WHAT actually happens.

I’ve been sleeping on the left side of the bed for at least the last twenty-five years, whether I’m with a partner, a lover, a wife or alone.  It’s mainly because after a few too many car accidents, it’s the most comfortable position for me.

Back to the HOW though.  In speaking a few months ago to a woman I’ve spent many nights with, she remarked that from day (or night) one, I just “took over” that side of the bed, which had formerly been her side.

I didn’t ask, negotiate or debate, I just did it.  She laughed about it with me and didn’t mind at all though.  She felt it was a very “alpha male” action and actually appreciated/admired the energy behind it.

Now with another person, this might have been the beginning of a power struggle episode.  And if I look back over the many decades and many women that I have shared a bed with, I can’t remember EVER asking about bed side.  I’ve always just taken MY side and it’s NEVER been an issue.

Does this make me an inconsiderate lout or an unevolved caveman?  I don’t really know.  And if it does, is that even important in this context?  Let’s compare power struggle with passion and see if we can make sense of this.

The power struggle is fueled by unresolved issues that each partner brings with them from childhood.  I certainly have my share of these childhood issues (why else go to all of the trouble of becoming a psychologist?), we ALL do!

In contrast to the power struggle though, PASSION comes from strong polarity between the partners.  There needs to be a strong masculine energy and a strong feminine energy to ignite that spark.  We all have both a masculine and a feminine aspect and it can play out in either or both partners.  However, to have that PASSION, that strong sexual charge, you need one partner to embody one polarity and one to embody the other.  You can take turns and mix it up, if you are conscious of it.  However, just as a battery needs a positive and a negative pole to create electricity, a relationship needs polarity to create PASSION.

My preference in general is to choose passion over power struggle.  It doesn’t always work out that way, yet on the good days, when I’m a little more conscious of what’s going on, that’s where I shape it.  So instead of engaging from my wounds, I prefer to engage from my healthy aspects, from my core.

And on my good days, my strong days, I engage from my core without even being aware of it or of it being a conscious decision.  And it generally results in a win-win situation, where there isn’t the need for a power struggle.

And while as a psychotherapist, I’ve got a pretty well developed feminine side, when I’m coming from my core, it’s a more masculine essence.  And that is where I would like to believe my “bed side” choices and other decisions of that nature come from.

So, please comment below and let me know your thoughts on this issue, as another alternative to the power struggle aspect of relationship.  What’s YOUR experience with beds, remotes, temperature or anything else?

Thanks so much,

Dr. Adam Sheck

If you’d like to know more about my work and avoiding the power struggle, please download my Free Special Report, “20 Rituals For Romance!” at www.freepassiontips.com

Perhaps you’ve heard the question asked before, “Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?”  It applies in many contexts, though today we are talking about your relationship.

Most couples that contact me for support are in the middle of the “Power Struggle” phase of their relationship, where they are battling for control and are highly reactive to those qualities of their partner that trigger their issues of early childhood (See The Three Stages of Relationship for more on this).

At this point, we don’t really listen to our partner, nor do we respect their perspective.  In fact, our position is generally, “if they would only listen to ME, they’d know that I was RIGHT and everything would be okay!”

Of course, in our less reactive moments, we know that “there are two sides to every story”, “no matter how thin you slice the bread, there are two sides”,  or [fill in the cliche of your choice].  And that’s exactly the issue, we become reactive!

Our primitive, “lizard brain” takes over and we experience on a deep, unconscious level that our survival depends upon being right and protecting ourselves (See my post, “Why We’re Triggered In Relationships“).

However it’s NOT our physical survival that is at stake here.  It’s not even our psychological survival that is at risk.  If we continue to focus on being right and not focus on our partner and not focus on our relationship, it is OUR RELATIONSHIP SURVIVAL that is being threatened!

What is the solution?  Sorry, there is no quick fix!  I work with couples for months (and some for years) on this Power Struggle issue.  It is a practice!

It takes PRACTICE to become aware of the dynamic between you and your partner.  It takes practice to take yourself out of the power struggle, just for that moment and to ask the question, “Do I want to be right or be happy?”

It takes DISCIPLINE to make the choice to be happy, to consider your partner’s perspective, to allow for differences without shaming or feeling shame.  There is no right or wrong in the power struggle, just two people struggling to connect.

And when you make the RELATIONSHIP the priority, when you make CONNECTION the focus, you begin to TRANSCEND the power struggle and develop the habits of a more conscious relationship.

And you may discover that you choose HAPPY more often in your relationship.  And you may discover that you choose HAPPY more often in ALL of your life!

Dr. Adam Sheck

If this article makes sense to you and you’d like to learn more about my work with couples, please subscribe to my free monthly newsletter at www.freepassiontips.com.

Each day, our partners make many attempts to connect with us, both verbal and nonverbal. World renowned couples research, Dr. John Gottman calls these attempts “bids” for emotional connection.

A bid can be a question, a look, an affectionate touch or anything else that opens the door to connection.  In his research, Gottman reports that a happy couple can make as many as 100 bids over the course of a meal!

How we respond to our partner’s bids is a huge key to a successful relationship. Gottman’s research indicates that husbands who eventually were divorced ignored the bids from their wives 82 percent of the time compared to 19 percent for men in stable marriages. Women who later divorced ignored their husband’s bids 50 percent of the time while those who remained married only disregarded 14 percent of their husband’s bids.

There are three responses to a bid for connection: turning toward, turning away and turning against.

1. Turning toward. This means to react in a positive way to your partner’s bid for emotional connection.  Research indicates that over time, these couples develop stable, long-lasting relationships. They also can access humor, affection and interest in each other during conflict.  They can stay connected and not let temporary negative feelings destroy the relationship.

2. Turning away. This response is essentially ignoring or avoiding the bid or acting preoccupied. A consistent turning away response leads to defensiveness and seems to result in early divorce in married couples.

3. Turning against. Couples who turn against each other’s bids for connection appear more argumentative, critical and sarcastic.  According to Gottman’s research, this style leads to divorce in a majority of cases, but not as quickly as couples who more habitually turn away from bids.

Once a couple gets into the habit of rejecting each other’s bids for connection, they tend to give up on rebidding or resuming efforts to connect.  In stable marriages, spouses rebid about 10 percent of the time and in couples heading towards divorce, there is rarely ANY rebidding.

Gottman believes that a couple that practices “turning toward” behavior metaphorically “deposits” good will into the emotional “bank” of the relationship. These “credits” accumulate and allow the partners to more readily connect when times become more challenging in the relationship.  This ties into his research on the 5:1 ration of positive interactions to negative interactions as well (see “Have Fun In Your Relationship”).

These same patterns of turning towards, turning away and turning against also apply to parent/child relationships, family relationships, friendships and work connections. This research provides such a powerful insight into how we can actively improve ALL of our relationships.

The bottom line is that “turning toward” your partner is a strong basis for emotional connection, as well as a powerful tool to sustain passion, romance and a healthy sex life.  I encourage you all to try it out consciously.  And, PLEASE, I would love your feedback and comments on how it is working in your life.

Thanks so much,

Dr. Adam Sheck

If you’d like to learn more about my work with couples and receive my Free Special Report, “20 Rituals For Romance!” please go to www.freepassiontips.com

Most of us have struggled with this issue, on whether men and women can be friends in a platonic way or will sex get in the way?  Can we “rise” above our impulses or is it a doomed idea?  AND, if we CAN be friends with someone of the opposite sex, how does our partner/spouse feel about it?

We’ve all asked the question, had our own experiences and we’ve all come to our own conclusions.  I recently conducted an informal survey on my Facebook Page, The Passion Doctor, and received very consistent, though contradictory answers from men and women.

Let me share with you some of the responses.

Responses From Women:

From a women perspective yes, but from a man perspective I am not sure … somehow men always want more.

They can. Sex does tend to get in the way a lot though.

Yes, I can but with my experience it is usually difficult for most males just to be friends:)

I say yes but I know too many men that think otherwise!

Over the years, I’ve learned that if the male is mature and mentally healthy, it is possible. Sure, like most straight men, he will periodically have sexual thoughts of her, but he will choose not to act on them.

I find it awkward when I’m in a relationship with someone that doesn’t believe men/women can be friends SO I tend to shy away from male friends. It can be threatening to relationships and if you have too many male friends, some women view that with a wonky eye as well!

It depends on the individuals involved, their personal ethics and issues, how important the friendship is to them, etc, etc, etc.

In my humble opinion yes they can be as long as they define the boundaries up front – then no one is confused….

I like to be friends with some men but find it difficult…they all want it to lead elsewhere.

Responses From Men:

I don’t think so.

It can be difficult but sure its possible. I think its much easier for girls, theres always the “sex” issue for most guys. I have had several “girl” friends in the past and still have one good one …

If there’s little or no sexual interest on either part. Otherwise it gets complicated.

Not if there is a relationship involved, especially if it is the guy in the relationship wanting female friends. women are just more “territorial” when it comes to their men. Not saying it’s impossible, just extremely rare.

It is rare and very difficult when in a relationship. My girl friend is not at all comfortable with my friendship [with a woman].

For the most part, women believed that they could be friends with men.  At the same time, the majority of the men that answered believed that having a non-sexual relationship with a woman was quite challenging.  The two issues that seem to come up in these responses seem to be the issue of sexual tension between the friends and the issue of jealousy from a partner.

In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 150 men and women were surveyed about their cross-sex friendships. Sixty-two percent  reported that sexual tension was present in their cross-sex friendships.  This isn’t terribly surprising.  What is more interesting to me is that men frequently stated that sexual attraction was a prime reason for initiating a friendship, and that it could even deepen the friendship.

And, yes, the issue of jealousy and insecurity in our partners is also an important consideration, as are cultural and religious norms.  In certain cultures and religions, men and women really aren’t permitted to fraternize much, let alone be friends.  I’m not here to judge these belief systems, just stating them.

As we advance more as a society, hopefully there will be more opportunities to foster deeper friendships between men and women.  There are definitely advantages for both in these kind of non-sexual connections.

Sometimes a man will be more open about his feelings with a female friend then with his buddies.  Sometimes a woman is happy to just “hang out” with a male friend and not have to talk so much about “feelings”.  These are simplified examples, yet the research does seem to support them.

My purpose in asking the question, “Can men and women be friends?” wasn’t necessarily to answer  it.  However, I would LOVE to hear your experiences and thoughts about this issue.  Please comment below and add to our informal data.

There truly IS no definitive answer.  Or, to quote another of my Facebook survey participants, “It depends.”

Dr. Adam Sheck

If you’d like to learn more about my work with creating passionate relationships and receive my Free Special Report, “20 Rituals For Romance!” please go to www.freepassiontips.com

I’ve been working with couples for twenty years and a big part of my work is to serve as a “translator” for the couple.  It often seems that they don’t speak each other’s language.

The issue seems to be much more than the simple “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” idea of the difference between the sexes. I work with many gay and lesbian couples as well, and EVERY couple seems to have a language barrier.

One model that seems to help is that of the idea first described by Dr. Gary Chapman in his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts.  In it, he explains that learning to speak your partner’s “love language” is a huge key to connecting.  And I agree that connection (or lack of connection, actually) is the main issue that most couples enter my counseling office to address.

The five Love Languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gift Giving, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.

Words of Affirmation

• For some, words speak louder than actions, reversing the popular truism.  In this love language, verbal compliments, words of kindness and encouragement are so very important.  AND, when someone affirms us, we are often motivated to reciprocate!

Quality Time

• In this love language, giving someone our full, undivided attention is heavenly!  Unplugging from the Internet, cellphone, iPod, etc., demonstrates your love to them.  Connecting through words and dialogue or through shared activities communicates love.

Receiving Gifts

• This love language isn’t about materialism, it’s more about the effort and thought behind the gift that expresses love to your partner.  Gestures “just because” are as important as honoring birthdays and anniversaries.  And the gift of your presence is also important!

Acts of Service

• Actions that make your partner’s life easier and relieve some of their burden fit under this language of love.  Washing the car, taking out the garbage, changing a diaper, resetting the computer are all potential acts of service.  They communicate love because they require thought, empathy, and effort.

Physical Touch

Affectionate touch, hugging, holding hands, caressing and gentle placing of hands are all part of this love language.  It includes sexual touch yet is so much more as well.  Tenderness as well as physical presence and accessibility can beige comforts in this love language.

From these short descriptions, you can probably determine your primary language of love.  And, you can probably assess what your partner’s is as well, though you can always ask!

And while we tend to speak from our primary love language, we may confuse or frustrate our partner when it is not their love language and they don’t quite understand what we are communicating.  On the other side, if we want our partner to feel the love we are communicating, we might want to “translate” our message into their primary love language.

As an experiment this week, I encourage you to actively and consciously communicate in your partner’s language of love.  And I’d love to hear your results!

Please comment below with your love language and how the experiment goes for you.

Thanks so much,

Dr. Adam Sheck

If you enjoyed this “Love Language” tip and would like more passion tips and receive my Free Special Report, “20 Rituals For Romance” please go to: www.freepassiontips.com.

It’s almost Valentine’s Day and while I’m not a big Hallmark kind of guy, I DO know that many of the couples that I counsel come to see me because they want to reignite their relationship and have more romance and passion in their lives.  And after 20 years of counseling couples, I believe that I have a few tips to offer you.  Hint: It’s NOT about candy and flowers!

Just as there is no quick fix to weight loss, there is no quick fix to reigniting your relationship with romance and passion.  Just as with weight loss, you must create Lifestyle Changes and create new Habits that will result in romance and passion beyond your dreams.

And while I can’t make any promises, I bet that if you begin to implement these life changes NOW, you will probably begin to reap some of the rewards by Valentine’s Day!

So let me share three of the tools that I use with my couples in my face-to-face counseling practice as well as when working with them through Skype or telephone coaching.

The first one, probably won’t sound as sexy as the next two, yet believe me, when you truly master it, and truly apply it with your partner on a regular basis, they will definitely be open to sharing their passion with you.

Relationship Tool #1: Appreciation

The first tool is Appreciation!  Yes, appreciation and gratitude are fundamental qualities of long-term successful relationships.  Yet for many, this is so challenging.  Perhaps it’s because as children, we were exposed much more to criticism than to compliments by our caregivers.  We knew that our parents loved us, but we didn’t always hear it from them or hear it from them frequently enough.  Perhaps your current relationship is similar?  Perhaps you know that your partner loves you, yet they have a hard time letting you know.  Or letting you know in a way that you can hear it, in a way that you can feel it and let it in.

If you’d like to learn a specific appreciation exercise that I teach every couple that comes to me for counseling and will take no more than 3-5 minutes to complete, then please:

Click Here For Appreciation Exercise!

The second tool is based upon the clinical research data of Dr. John Gottman, a world-renowned researcher on marital stability at the University of Washington, Seattle.  His research revealed that happy, stable couples have a 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. In other words, for every negative remark or comment, there are five positive ones. This develops what Gottman calls a “reservoir of positive feelings.”

We “bank” these positive feelings and they help counteract the negativity, which is in all relationships to some degree.  We ARE human, after all!

And the specific way that I recommend that you get started is to “Have fun!”  And believe it or not, this might be particularly challenging to you and your partner.

Many of the couples that find their way into my office have become stuck in old, rigid patterns of interaction. And, it gets old, it gets tiring, it gets tedious and it gets BORING!  There is NO PASSION in tedious and boring.

When we first meet our partners, we are open and laugh and share in very child-like and loving ways.  This is a good thing.  So, let’s get back to doing what works!  Let’s have fun like children do!

Relationship Tool #2: High Energy Fun

The second tool then, is the tool of High Energy Fun.  The point of high-energy fun is to recapture that spirit of fun, of silliness, of spontaneity that children have.  It’s silly, it’s frivolous, it has no extrinsic value.  And yet internally, intrinsically, it is what keeps us alive and vital and connected.  There’s nothing like a belly laugh to open you up, and put you in a good place.  From there, with an open heart, anything is possible in a relationship.

Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to spend five to ten minutes, twice a week with your partner doing some type of High Energy Fun activity which will cause you not only to smile or giggle, but to burst out into deep belly-laughs!  It may take you some practice and you’re going to have to move through your resistance, yet I encourage you to give it a try.

For specific examples that you can use to share High Energy Fun:

Click for High Energy Fun!

Okay, now let’s get to the third to reignite your relationship.  This is a tool, which is a more direct practice of romance and passion, designed to fill you to overflowing with sexual heat.

And it will be a stretch for many of you, yet I encourage you to try it out, stick with it for a while and see how your relationship can benefit from it.

Sexual intimacy, like emotional intimacy is about discovering new parts of yourself and sharing them with your partner.  So this tool is about stretching and trying on new attitudes, experimenting with new ways of being together sexually.

Relationship Tool #3: All-Day Foreplay

What do I mean by “All-Day Foreplay”?  In America, the statistics seem to be that the average couple has less than 19 minutes of foreplay prior to lovemaking.  And generally, it has become pretty routine.  And that is the average, so half of couples have less than that!

You all know what I’m saying.  I bet you can predict it like clockwork.  Maybe it starts with “your move” whatever that might be.  Maybe a yawn or a stretch, or “look how late it is” or something pretty mundane to get into the bedroom if you’re not already there.  Or reaching for your birth control method of choice.  How romantic!

There’s the process of getting out of your clothes or taking off your partner’s clothes.  Then there’s probably 5-10 minutes of kissing if you’re lucky.  Maybe a lick on the ear or a kiss on the neck.  Maybe some heavy petting.  Then a minute on each breast, and a little time working down the belly.  Then a few minutes of oral sex.  Maybe you’ll take turns or maybe it will be simultaneous.  That’s it.  Foreplay is over, time for penetration, assuming you make it that far.  And then bedtime!

Boring, predictable, routine.  All-Day Foreplay takes this all to another level.   For a more detailed description of how to perform All-Day Foreplay:

Click for more All-Day Foreplay!

Let’s recap the three tools to Reignite Your Relationship:

1. Appreciation.
2. High Energy Fun.
3. All-Day Foreplay

If you begin to add these techniques into your relationship “tool belt” I guarantee you will reignite your relationship and have great passion.  Appreciations will take less than 5 minutes/day.  High Energy Fun will take ten minutes a few times/week.  And All-Day Foreplay, well, that will GIVE you back so much energy and aliveness, that the time you spend investing in it will return to you one-hundred fold.

So please, practice these three tools.  Don’t just think about it, make a change.  Start NOW!

And, if you start now, you’ll definitely notice some changes in your relationship by Valentine’s Day for sure!

I look forward to your emails letting me know of your progress.

Dr. Adam Sheck

BONUS: If you are truly want to reignite your relationship, I am offering a complimentary “Romance Roadmap” Strategy Call to the first twenty people who respond to this offer. Click here to contact me expressing your interest and I will be happy to set up the “Romance Roadmap” Strategy Call.

I completely believe that 80/20 Rule applies to relationships!  I’ve written a little bit about the 80/20 Rule in my previous post, “Don’t Talk So Much” and now it’s time to elaborate more about how it specifically can be used to enhance your relationship.

So what exactly is the 80/20 Rule?

The 80/20 Rule is also known as the “Pareto Principle” and was named after Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto who observed in 1906 that 80% of the land in Italy was owned by 20% of the population.  Many more examples of this distribution have been observed in more modern times.  Over 80% of the world’s wealth is controlled by the richest 20% of the population.  Over 80% of crimes are committed by 20% of the criminals.  Over 80% over health care claims are submitted by 20% of the patients.  Over 80% of customer complaints are made by 20% of the customers.  Even Microsoft discovered that 80% of their software problems were corrected by repairing 20% of the “bugs”.

How does this apply to relationships?

My belief is that the 80/20 Rule applies to relationships as well!  In my experience as a couples counselor for the last twenty years and as a supervisor and consultant to other couples counselors, I truly believe that over 80% of the issues couples face can be resolved by dealing with 20% of their issues.

In fact, well-known couples researcher, Dr. John Gottman indicates that happy long-term couples generally NEVER resolve most of their issues!  Which to me means that they have learned to choose their battles and deal with the 20% that matter, that are the deal breakers.  When I conduct couples counseling, we focus on that 20% to get maximum leverage, maximum results and more “bang for your buck”.

My belief as a clinical psychologist is that 20% of our lives is what happens to you and the other 80% is what you do with it! Let me repeat that: 20% of life is what happens and 80% is how you choose to interpret it!  You may agree or disagree, but isn’t it a more EMPOWERING perspective to live your life from?

Let’s see how this applies to relationships.  Let’s say that 80% of our needs are met in our relationship with our partner.  What about that other 20%?  If we are mature and take responsibility for ourselves, we can meet those relational needs in appropriate ways with our friends, our family, our spiritual connection.  If not, we will suffer from the problem of “the grass is greener” and will look outside of our commitment to meet those needs. This is how affairs often begin.  And then we’ve simply traded our 80% for that 20% and did it make us happy?  Usually not!

My solution is to flip the numbers around!  I believe that we are WAY TOO DEPENDENT upon our relationship to make us happy.  What if we lived a life where 20% of our needs were met in our relationship and WE took responsibility for meeting the other 80% of our needs?   That would take a great deal of pressure off of ourselves and our partners, wouldn’t it?

And it would also take away most of our excuses for not being happy and for feeling victimized!  Truly no one is doing TO you AND no one can do it FOR you!  As an experiment, try this out, start your day off in this mind set and see how it goes.  I bet it will fuel more PASSION in your life and in your relationship!

I’d love to hear your feedback on this idea and on this experiment.  And if you need support in making it happen, please feel free to contact me!

I wish you the best,

Dr. Adam Sheck

If you’ve enjoyed this article and want to hear more of my thoughts about this and about reigniting the passion in your relationship, please download my Free, Special Report, “20 Rituals for Romance!” at www.freepassiontips.com

]]> http://passion101.com/blog/2011/01/does-the-8020-rule-apply-to-relationships/feed/ 24 http://passion101.com/blog/2011/01/dont-talk-so-much-interview/ http://passion101.com/blog/2011/01/dont-talk-so-much-interview/#comments Wed, 05 Jan 2011 06:08:09 +0000 drsheck http://passion101.com/blog/?p=3333 To support my new, upcoming “Don’t Talk So Much & Other Ways To Have A Better Relationship” Program, I was interviewed by Elaina McMillan on her “Naked At Noon” Radio Show.  Since it was broadcast in Denver, I am posting the edited replay here on the Passion 101 Blogsite.  The interview was a lot of fun, Elaina brings out the best in everyone, and I hope you’ll enjoy it and learn a few ways to have a better relationship as well.

The initial concept behind “Don’t Talk So Much & Other Ways To Have A Better Relationship” derived from my two blogposts around this concept.  I started it because so many of my clients are women with male partner’s who don’t really want to work on their relationship or talk about it or seek out professional help.  The Program is to support these women in having a better relationship.  You may read the two articles by clicking on: Don’t Talk So Much and Don’t Talk So Much – Part 2.

You may listen to the replay directly on this site, download it to play at your convenience or listen to the Podcast on iTunes under my “Passion 101″ Podcasts.  If you’d like more information on the “Don’t Talk So Much Program” please go to www.donttalksomuch.com by Clicking Here.

Thanks so much,

Dr. Adam Sheck

Since my work is to help couples have more romance, more passion, more sexuality and more intimacy in their lives, this is an important question to reflect upon. I’ve reviewed my previous Passion 101 blog posts for the year and I’ve compiled five relationship resolutions that will definitely benefit you.

And while I’m real not a huge believer in New Year’s resolutions, I do believe that setting an intention to improve your relationship is critical to having your partnership grow. Whether you set this intention now, when there is a general agreement in the world to do so on January 1 or do it another day (or EVERY day!), just do it!

1. Recommit to your relationship!
One of the biggest passion killers is taking your relationship for granted.  We make a commitment to our partner and then “life” gets in the way and we lose focus and assume our relationship will still be around when we “get to it”. So, today (and each day, actually) is a good day to officially and formally recommit to your relationship. Make it fun, make it serious or make it official, just make it!

2. Create your shared relationship vision.
In addition to recommitting to your relationship, another major relationship resolution is to create a shared relationship vision.  I’ve written extensively on how to do this on another post, Do You Share A Relationship Vision? Click the link, read it, and DO IT!  As couples, we need common goals and a common vision to make it happen.

3. Find a new shared activity/hobby.
Monotony and routine are the enemies of passion!  Find something new to do with your partner.  A dance class, a sailing class, a kissing class (I think I will offer one in 2011), something that will give you regular, ongoing time together each week in something new and novel.  Newness ignites that spark!

4. Share one sexual fantasy this year.
Again, newness is what creates passion.  And if you want to stay passionate in your current relationship (which is always my recommendation), it’s time to share one of your fantasies with your partner!  This may be challenging for you, either to connect to your fantasies or to share them.  Fortunately, I wrote a post on this that you can click and read: How To Share Your Fantasies With Your Partner!

5. Look in each other’s eyes and say, “I love you!”
Many couples counselors will tell you that “communication” is the biggest problem that couples face.  My belief on this is that it is “connection” that is the problem.  So PLEASE, take a moment, RIGHT NOW if you can, hold your partner’s hands, look in their eyes and say, “I love you!”  You will be glad that you did.

I look forward to being of service in the New Year and helping you to create the relationship of your dreams!

Dr. Adam Sheck

Another great way to start off the New Year with more romance, more passion and more intimacy is to download my Free Special Report, “20 Rituals For Romance!” at http://freepassiontips.com