As we wind down April as National Humor Month, I want to remind you that by adding laughter into your relationship, you can definitely improve it.  You absolutely can laugh your relationship healthy!

One of my recommendations to every couple I have worked with over the last twenty years is to HAVE FUN!  I wrote about this “passion assignment” in an earlier blogpost that you are welcome to click on called High Energy Fun!

Basically, the couple that plays together, stays together!  Laughter helps to keep the shared energy high in a couple, keeps the love alive and creates more opportunities for spontaneity.  In addition, there are many medical benefits to deep belly laughs including:

Laughter Reduces Stress:

It decreases stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline.

Laughter Works Out The Body:

It exercises the diaphragm, the abdominals, the face, leg and back muscles

Laughter Reduces Pain:

It produces endorphins, the body’s natural opiates.

Laughter Improves  The Immune System:

Improves response of tumor- and disease-killing cells such as Gamma-interferon and T-cells.  It helps with respiratory infections and colds increasing immunoglobulon in the saliva.

Laughter Improves Circulation:

Lowers blood pressure, increases vascular blood flow and oxygenation of the blood.

Laughter Increase Memory and Learning:

Studies show humor during instruction improves test scores.

Laughter Will Bond You!

I’m sure you’ve experienced this and understand it intuitively, but in addition to feel good chemicals like endorphins and dopamine, laughter also releases oxytocin, the “cuddle drug” which is also released in new mothers to bond them with their infants.  Laughing together will actually bond you as a couple!

So what are you waiting for, go have fun with your partner and laugh your relationship healthy!

Dr. Adam Sheck

If you would like me to support you in your journey towards a better relationship, I want to extend a special offer to you, to have a complimentary Relationship Coaching Strategy Session with me via Skype or telephone.  Please click here to schedule the session, if what I’ve written makes sense to you and you are ready for RESULTS!

You probably won’t be surprised to learn that many of the couples I have worked with over the past twenty years have had sexual difficulties in their relationship.  When doing sex therapy, one simple exercise I have the couple do on our first session is both diagnostic to me as well as healing for them.  It’s called:

Hug Until Relaxed

It consists of the couple standing and facing each other and first getting grounded and balanced within themselves, both physically and emotionally.  Then they embrace and hold the hug until they are able to “relax” and melt into each other to some degree.

As their sex therapist, I learn a great deal about the couple in terms of how they balance, whether they can each “stand on their own two feet” or whether one leans on another or whether there is a power struggle around that.  I also learn how much they are able to let go and exactly which body points they are willing to connect on.

It’s a very simple exercise and it’s my experience that couples that practice this for a few minutes each day are well on their way to reigniting their passion.  I recommend that you try it as well and please comment back on how it works for you.

All you have to do is hug until relaxed!

Thank you so much,

Dr. Adam Sheck

If you would like me to support you in your journey towards a better relationship, I want to extend a special offer to you, to have a complimentary Relationship Coaching Strategy Session with me via Skype or telephone.  Please click here to schedule the session, if what I’ve written makes sense to you and you are ready for RESULTS!

A recent survey of adulterers found that men preferred Toyotas and women preferred Hondas.  As a couples counselor, I’m not quite sure how this data is relevant, yet it is a piece of some puzzle.  Does it mean that having an affair isn’t a romantic, high class “affair” for most people?  Does it mean that the more well-to-do simply don’t respond to surveys such as this one by the adulterer website, AshleyMadison.com?  Over 3000 people DID respond though, which says something as well!

Perhaps cheating women prefer a man who is “green” and picks them up in a Prius, though I can’t imagine there’s much room in the back seat to play!  Of course, that might just be a Southern California fantasy.  It did appear that women over 45 preferred the Lexus, so perhaps tastes change over time.

As a couples counselor and relationship coach, I don’t discriminate, I’ll work with ANY couple that wants to improve their relationship, from drivers of Volkswagons to drivers of Bentleys and everything in-between.  I work with couples in all stages of relationship issues and can help to prevent an affair or help to rebuild trust if an affair has already happened.

Please let me know how I might help you in your relationship.

Dr. Adam Sheck

If you would like me to support you in your journey towards a better relationship, I want to extend a special offer to you, to have a complimentary Relationship Coaching Strategy Session with me via Skype or telephone.  Please click here to schedule the session, if what I’ve written makes sense to you and you are ready for RESULTS!

Recently I read that there was a “Divorce Expo” in New York. It was touted as a kind of “one stop shopping” for those seeking out divorce services (legal, psychological, matchmaking, anti-aging, health and beauty, finances). About 40 exhibitors displayed their wares for two days to a crowd that was about 70% female and 30% male). It was the brainchild of a mother/daughter duo, both divorced.  Is this, sadly, a sign of the times?

Free enterprise is something I completely believe in and everyone is entitled to create income streams where there is a demand. Personally though, as a couples counselor for the last twenty years I have been doing my best to encourage couples in crisis to work proactively to deal with their issues. I’ve pleaded, cajoled, appealed to their greed (counseling is cheaper than divorce for the most part) and yet it seems to be human nature to engage in services designed to clean up the big mess rather than deal with a small mess or better yet, learn to build a healthy nurturing relationship BEFORE the mess is created. We seem to be more driven by the stick than the carrot, more by avoiding pain than seeking out pleasure.

Now I’m not saying divorce isn’t appropriate when it IS appropriate. And, even though I’ve been working with couples for over twenty years, it’s ALWAYS the couple’s decision, not the counselor’s decision to make. However, just as many mental health professionals believe that medication for psychological issues is overprescribed, I would suggest that divorce is overprescribed as well. It IS easier to cut and run than to work out the issues. The downside of ending a relationship prematurely, is that most likely you will still be attracted to the same things in your new partner (see my article, Why We Choose Our Partner) and then it becomes a case of “same thing, different day”.

AND for the record, I do engage in my fair share of divorce counseling as well. However, the research indicates that most couples seek counseling seven years AFTER they first discover they have a problem! The odds are a little stacked against you at that point, don’t you think?

What are YOUR thoughts and experiences on this Divorce Expo idea? Is one-stop divorce shopping more appealing to you than spending three to six months to REALLY become more open, more loving, more communicative? Let me know with your comments!

Thank you so much,
Dr. Adam Sheck

If you would like me to support you in your journey towards a better relationship, I want to extend a special offer to you, to have a complimentary Relationship Coaching Strategy Session with me via Skype or telephone.  Please click here to schedule the session, if what I’ve written makes sense to you and you are ready for RESULTS!

As the “Passion Doctor”, my work is to help couples have more romance, more passion, more sexuality and more intimacy in their live.  And around the time of the new year, the question of relationship resolutions is an important one to reflect upon. I’ve reviewed my previous Passion 101 blog posts and I’ve compiled five relationship resolutions that will definitely benefit you, even if you practice only one of them.

And while I’m real not a huge believer in New Year’s resolutions, I do believe that setting an intention to improve your relationship is critical to having your partnership grow. Whether you set this intention now, when there is a general agreement in the world to do so on January 1 or do it another day (or EVERY day!), just do it!

1. Recommit to your relationship!
One of the biggest passion killers is taking your relationship for granted.  We make a commitment to our partner and then “life” gets in the way and we lose focus and assume our relationship will still be around when we “get to it”. So, today (and each day, actually) is a good day to officially and formally recommit to your relationship. Make it fun, make it serious or make it official, just make it!

2. Create your shared relationship vision.
In addition to recommitting to your relationship, another major relationship resolution is to create a shared relationship vision.  I’ve written extensively on how to do this on another post, Do You Share A Relationship Vision? Click the link, read it, and DO IT!  As couples, we need common goals and a common vision to make it happen.

3. Find a new shared activity/hobby.
Monotony and routine are the enemies of passion!  Find something new to do with your partner.  A dance class, a sailing class, a kissing class (I think I will offer one in 2011), something that will give you regular, ongoing time together each week in something new and novel.  Newness ignites that spark!

4. Share one sexual fantasy this year.
Again, newness is what creates passion.  And if you want to stay passionate in your current relationship (which is always my recommendation), it’s time to share one of your fantasies with your partner!  This may be challenging for you, either to connect to your fantasies or to share them.  Fortunately, I wrote a post on this that you can click and read: How To Share Your Fantasies With Your Partner!

5. Look in each other’s eyes and say, “I love you!”
Many couples counselors will tell you that “communication” is the biggest problem that couples face.  My belief on this is that it is “connection” that is the problem.  So PLEASE, take a moment, RIGHT NOW if you can, hold your partner’s hands, look in their eyes and say, “I love you!”  You will be glad that you did.

I look forward to being of service in the New Year and helping you to create the relationship of your dreams!

Dr. Adam Sheck

Another great way to start off the New Year with more romance, more passion and more intimacy is to download my Free Special Report, “20 Rituals For Romance!” at http://freepassiontips.com

As “The Passion Doctor”, I’m always on the lookout for ways to create more passion in your relationship.  And around the Holidays, we often overindulge in food, which can leave us more like beached whales then sex machines.

So you’ll love this passion tip, especially between Thanksgiving and New Year’s Day.  Believe it or not, research from the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Center shows that the smell of pumpkin pie arouses men.  In a study of 40 odors, the smell of pumpkin pie combined with lavender increased blood flow to the penis by an average of 40 percent.

In addition, consuming pumpkin seeds, which are high in zinc, may increase testosterone production and be helpful with erections.  The study was performed on men ranging from 18 to 64.

Other smells that give a strong response in men are vanilla and strawberry.  Vanilla creates a strong reaction in older men and a strong response to strawberry is given by men who rate their sex life as most satisfying.

In another study, women responded the best to the smells of Good & Plenty candy combined with cucumbers.

So, what are you waiting for, start experimenting and let me know if pumpkin pie can help your sex life!  Leave me a comment with the results!

Dr. Adam Sheck

This has been a fascinating question that has been open for debate for a long, long time.  It’s probably only second to the “does size really matter” question.  From a biological perspective, it certainly would seem that the more “dominant” males will be better breeding stock and so will be more desirable to females.  On the other hand, our more “civilized” society would like us to believe that a more sensitive, caring man would make a better lover.

Well, wonder no longer, Penn State University completed a study of  110 heterosexual couples to find out the quality of female orgasm (a big factor in promoting conception) as a function of male dominance and attractiveness.  And the results are in!

The male partners were rated according to objective attractiveness (face symmetry) as well as observer and partner rated scales of attractiveness, masculinity and dominance.   The study  ”found that women reported more frequent and earlier-timed orgasms when mated to masculine and dominant men”. Women reported experiencing orgasm more often during or after male orgasm when with these “high-quality” men.

What does this mean for relationships?  Since the “average” woman will be with an “average” man with “average” attractiveness and dominance, does this mean that they will have an “average” sex life with “average” orgasms?

While this study validates some of my experience in working with couples over the last twenty years, it doesn’t have to be a “death sentence” for relationships and passion.  What it means to me is that while it is important for us to recognize our genetic and biological factors in the context of relationships, there are also OTHER factors that are important as well.

Yes, we are “predisposed” with certain biological imperatives and tendencies.  AND, we also have certain psychological tendencies as well that often compete with our biology (see my article, “Which Side Of The Bed Do YOU Sleep On?”).

It is good to be aware of our biology in this case of “better in bed” just as it is important to consider biology in the case of monogamy and commitment in relationships.  AND, we also have choice and free will.

We CAN choose to be more intimate emotionally and sexually with our partner.  We CAN choose to be better lovers and learn how to express ourselves more fully in this important area of relationship.  That is a big part of why I created the Passion 101 Blogsite and why I continue to work with couples to create more passion in their relationships.

What do YOU think about the Penn State study?  What’s YOUR experience of attractiveness, dominance and being good in bed?  I’d love to hear your comments.

Thank you so much,

Dr. Adam Sheck

If you’d like to know more about my work keeping the passion alive in your relationship, please download my Free Special Report, “20 Rituals For Romance!” at www.freepassiontips.com

81.7% Of Married Men Surveyed Are Frustrated, Dissatisfied And Want To Improve Their Sex Life

As the “Passion Doctor”, I’ve been writing the Passion 101 Blog for over three years to help committed couples in long-term relationships keep that spark of romance and passion alive.  A big part of my work with couples is to reignite their relationship and I’ve created a number of teleseminars as well as my ebook, “101 Ways To Bring Back The Passion!” to achieve this.

I’ve recently become aware of a new home study course to support this goal and to help men to rekindle the romance and passion in their relationship.  It’s called Revive Her Drive and it is completely in alignment with my beliefs and my work with couples.

After analyzing results from a large sexual satisfaction survey and consulting with a dozen relationship/sex experts, Personal Life Media created this self-paced, online training program that gives men in relationship the tools they need to reawaken the passion within their sex life to enjoy more predictable, frequent lovemaking.

The Program is divided into four easy-to-follow guidelines called the “4 Elements of Revival.”  A woman’s arousal begins in her heart and mind and Revive Her Drive teaches men the romance and seduction strategies to which women respond most quickly and appreciatively. The tools are based on what women biologically and emotionally crave, which is often puzzling for men to figure out.

The program includes eBook instructions and audio interviews with these dozen experts on the exact steps to take a couple’s intimacy to new, upward spirals of pleasure and connection.  What’s great is that you can review the course materials online OR you can download them to play at your convenience. AND, there are complete, word-for-word transcriptions of the audio interviews!

Some of the audio topics included are:

• Sustaining Attraction
• Surrender & Trust
• Erotic Communication
• 4 Keys to Seduction
• Lifelong Passion

I have pretty high standards and I’m telling you that this is an extremely professional and well presented package that will give you some great tools to reignite your relationship.  AND, because the product is early in its launch, you can receive it now at an incredible price, less than the investment in a single couples counseling session!

I don’t endorse very many products, so please take my word on this and find out more about Revive Her Drive and the “4 Elements of Revival” by:

Clicking Here!

Please let me know your thoughts on Revive Her Drive Program and if there are other types of programs that would benefit you.

Thank you so much,

Dr. Adam Sheck

One of the main reasons couples choose to work with me in counseling of telephone/Skype coaching is that they are having issues “in the bedroom.”  Not enough sex and/or not the “right” kind of sex are big issues that I work with every week in my private couples counseling practice.

Part of my work is providing education about the Three Stages of Relationship and how to keep the passion going once a couple is out of the “honeymoon stage”.  And part of this education is explaining that there are different kinds of sex and that each “kind” has a place in the relationship.

 In no particular order, the seven kinds of sex are:

1. Married or “Comfortable” Sex.

2. Quickie Sex.

3. Romantic Sex.

4. Adventurous or Risky Sex.

5. “Take Me” Sex.

6. Kinky Sex.

7. Vacation Sex.

Let’s go over them one at a time and see the advantage of each of the seven kinds of sex.

Married or “Comfortable” Sex: 

This is that predictable yet comfortable kind of sex that many couples fall into and consider to be a “rut”.  You know exactly what “move” you or your partner will use to initiate sex, and it’s usually the same time and the same day each week (quite possible Saturday night at 10pm?).  It generally consists of five minutes of kissing, ten minutes of foreplay, eight minutes of intercourse, an “I love you” and a snore. You can set your clock by it!  And, it’s not a bad thing to have something reliable, predictable and comfortable to look forward to.  Unless it’s the ONLY kind of sex you have to look forward to!

Quickie Sex:

An expression of pure, animal lust, this is hard and fast, down and dirty sex.  You want it, you need it and you’re going to have it.  Not much romance, yet full of passion, this is hair-pulling, clothes tearing, “yeah, baby” sex at its finest.  Immediate gratification and release, the surge of hormones can provide an instant bonding experience.  It might happen the minute you walk in the door after work, it could a surprise in the middle of the night or it could be somewhere surprising (see Adventurous Sex).

Romantic Sex:

This is more of what you probably experienced when you initially began to have sex with your partner during the “courting” part of your relationship.  It was well thought out and orchestrated.  There were probably candles, music, a bottle of win and an overall sensual atmosphere.  You paid attention to what you wore or didn’t wear and grooming was de rigueur!  It was about seduction and foreplay and enjoyment.  You took your time and savored the moment.  It’s still a wonderful form of sex and usually gets lost in the hustle and bustle of our over-scheduled lives.  Plan for it at least once per month to keep the passion going!

Adventurous or Risky Sex:

This is sex that is exciting because of the novelty or risk factor involved.  When your relationship was young and you just HAD to have your partner right then and there!  Perhaps it was in the bathroom at a friend’s New Year’s party?  Perhaps it was in the car watching Fourth of July fireworks?  Perhaps it was in your office with the door locked, fifteen minutes before your next client was due to arrive?  It is somewhat related to “Quickie Sex” though the goal is making that connection, not necessarily completing the act in record time.  The risk factor adds to the passion for sure!

“Take Me” Sex:

This is where one of you chooses to “run the show” during the lovemaking session. This might be a shared decision or it might be a unilateral one, but it will definitely create a passionate reaction one way or the other. Don’t be frightened by the idea of domination here, it doesn’t have to become extreme and get into full bondage and domination (b&d) unless you’d like to experiment.  It can be as simple as deciding who is going to initiate sex this time or who is going to be “on top”.  Yet there is something pleasurable and passionate for both men AND women when on occasion you know that your partner will be in charge and you just have to just relax and let them do the work, let them be the aggressor.  We all enjoy being told or shown what to do now and then, and we might be surprised what a turn on it actually is to have our partner be a little more dominant, a little more forceful.

Kinky Sex:

Believe it or not, a survey of over 2000 Cosmopolitan readers  revealed that 70% were “game to try” and 21.5% were “excited” by the idea of adding kink to their lovemaking.  Now before you start running out of the house, I’m not taking about “hardcore” kink involving b&d, sadomasichism (s&m) or fetishism, though there is nothing wrong with any of that between consenting adults.  For my uninitiated readers, I define kink as any sexual activity that YOU find unusual or different and that enhances your sexual intimacy and passion.  For the context of this article, I’m talking about what YOU consider experimenting with your sexuality, so take away your judgments.  This can range from playful spanking, to role-playing, to introducing sex toys into your lovemaking, to making a videotape to anything that YOU have been wanting to try.

 Vacation Sex:

You are in a new, different, possibly exotic locale and this novelty factor definitely makes the sex hot.  Perhaps you’re overlooking the ocean or have a beautiful mountain view or have an oversized jacuzzi tub in your bedroom!  You have time, you don’t have the usual distractions of work, finances, the kids.  You are FREE and can do what you want, you’ve got carte blanche to engage in all kinds of sexual exploits!  You can practice ANY of the other types of sex described previously.  Go for it!

So now that I’ve described the seven kinds of sex, what does that mean to you?  I’ve always believed that knowledge is power, so perhaps you’ve got a little bit more of both than when you began reading this.  Since we are truly “novelty-seeking” creatures, if your intention is to sustain a long-term, monogamous relationship (which is true for many of my readers) than I suggest that you mix it up.  Commit to practicing the different kinds of sex and perhaps add one or two types into your repertoir if you’ve been feeling stagnant.

The sexual connection between a couple is an incredible opportunity to bond, to share, to become closer in a physical/emotional/spiritual way.  I also believe that it is one of the major ingredients in the “glue” that keeps couples connected.  I encourage you all to commit to expanding your sex life and please share the results with me, below.

Thank you so much,

Dr. Adam Sheck

If you’d like to know more about my work and keeping the passion alive in your relationship, please download my Free Special Report, “20 Rituals For Romance!” at www.freepassiontips.com

My topic was ROMANCE and in addition to giving you three tools to bump up the romance in your relationship, I also shared how to sustain your love affair with your BUSINESS!  

This is the first time I’ve applied my ideas to business and marketing and I’m so pleased to be able to share the full recording with you below.

Thank you so much,

Dr. Adam Sheck